Saturday, January 20, 2007

Outside My Comfort Zone

I officially accepted Jesus Christ into my life at the age of 6. Officially, yes. However, it has taken many ups and downs, a life of two steps forward and one step back, getting on and off the fence, being lukewarm and then hot again to get me to where I am today. Not the perfect Christian by a long shot, but I am sure of my salvation and where my help comes from. And while I still struggle with the daily doubts and unbelief that God can and will do all he says in the scripture that he wants to do in my life, down deep, due to what Jesus did at the cross and the Holy Spirit that now lives in me, I always have an overriding sense of faith, assurance, and hope. Those of you who also have been sealed by the Spirit will agree that this does not come from ourselves, but is a generous gift from God to feel this way when there is so much that seems hopeless around us.

I'm not saying I have always felt this way, I'm just saying this is the point to which I have been taken in the journey. So, in general, I consider myself spiritual. A true worshipper of God. And when I pray, whether I emotionally sense it or not (usually because I'm not getting an immediate answer or resolution to my concern), I know down deep God is listening and will carry out the best plan for me. And when I sing songs to or about him, either on or off key, I know he appreciates the effort.

However, I have never been comfortable with outward displays of worship that I have control of such as holding up my hands while singing or shouting out "amen" or whatever during the sermon (crying is a different story). And even though I may feel it and believe it, I've never been comfortable in daily conversation, except on rare occasions, to interlace my sentences with phrases like "glory to God" or "praise God", etc.

And now there is a new form (new to me) of singing in church that is called "free praise" where you just sing random melodies and words of praise over the top of what everyone else is singing. Obviously, this is not in my comfort zone either. For me it borders on disorder and chaos if more than one person (holding a microphone) is doing it. My spirit does not feel at peace, and I feel anxious. I probably feel very much like the old people in congregations that were being forced to convert from hymns to praise songs.

There, I've filed my complaint and now I can move on. I suppose the longer I'm exposed to this new style of worship, the more I will adapt. It won't seem so foreign and obtrusive.

1 comment:

  1. Please don't delete. This is excellent use of blog space.
    I'll get right back with you after I read/pray a little. Right or wrong, hearing your heart makes me love you more. Be back...