Thursday, June 14, 2012

Tired of Me

Selfish life. Selfish thoughts. Story of me.

I get on here to unload all the awful thoughts going through my head, and then I just end up sitting here feeling guilty and unable to confess them.  It's too embarrassing. The things that go through my head.  The things I know I should be believing and thinking vs. the things I actually think.  I wake up everyday day praying for a new outlook, praying and expecting healing and progress - for my thoughts and the baby.  But it doesn't take two minutes of just listening to the things around me, specifically when the baby is struggling, to bring me back to "earth".  I am starting to hate earth.  I must be one of the weakest humans because it's too hard for me.  I'm tired of crying everyday. I'm tired of sickness and disabilities.  I'm tired of therapists and doctors.  I'm tired of other people's pity.  I'm tired of me.

I'm tired of when I'm in the midst of my pity party, the baby will laugh at something and make me feel even more guilty.

No comments:

Post a Comment